How to Choose a Church, Part 1

As I drove by a church in town this week and read their sign it caused me to ponder the subject of choosing a church. How should we choose a church? The sign read, “Something for Everyone” and I immediately thought, “Really?” May be I’m a little cynical, but church signs bug me sometimes. That is another post entirely.

When we first came back from Romania our kids were 15 and 16 years old which is a really critical stage. Being raised in a developing country they were very different from the teenagers that they encountered here in the US, and each one in their own way was going through major culture shock. We were somewhat prepared for this, but the effect of life in a new country was greater than we had anticipated. My first thought in looking for a church was, “We need to find a church with a great youth group where our kids can make good Christian friends and assimilate into the culture.” That sounds logical, right? Many people choose a church according to the ages of their children. “This church has a nursery with people that I know and trust, or an amazing children’s program, a fantastic youth leader, or whatever.”

In the Bible, from the synagogues to the temples to the first churches in the New Testament you will never see a segregation of ages. Families worshiped and heard the word of God together. (Joshua 8:35)

The concept that children learn better when lessons are taught on their own level is very new. If we go back even 60-70 years to one room churches and schools, which many times were the same building, children were learning just as well if not better than they are now. But they weren’t just learning to read and write or hearing Bible stories, they were getting so much more. An attention span longer than 15 minutes or manners and the ability to be self controlled and disciplined are very important lessons that were learned in this type of environment.  

Another very important lesson for children, that is not being taught in our present system, is the respect of elders or authority. (One quick example of the lack thereof) In almost any church that I’ve attended in the past 10 years, if a meal is served, children are served first. This also, is a very new tradition. I realize the practicalities of this process. Children are fussy and loud, so if we feed them first, they will be pacified and the mother might actually be able to eat her lunch in peace. Sounds great to me, too, but believe it or not, children are learning something from this. If I am fussy and loud and make life difficult for my parents then they will serve “me first”. Whereas, the Bible teaches that “tribulation” (whether it be in the form of them not being first or something a little more straight forward if they get overly fussy or loud), worketh PATIENCE…”and patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed;” Romans 5

I’m not telling you that there is a set way to go through the lunch line in the Bible. I’m saying it is a good thing for children to learn order and respect for elders and that everything doesn’t revolve around them. Since we, as evangelicals are losing over 80 percent of our children to the world, as statistics indicate, I’m only suggesting that there may be a problem with the methods we are using in training them up. Instead of our children being part of a church where everything is centered around them, maybe they need a church where everything is actually centered around God.

We all love our children, and I’m not saying that it’s wrong to consider them when you are choosing a church, in fact I think we should consider them. Ask yourself some serious questions. Is this a place where my children will systematically be taught the truth from God’s word? Is this a place where my children will be taught to honor and respect their elders and the authorities placed over them? Is this a place where my children will be able to see a biblical role model for the family? Will they see families worshiping together? Will they see children older than themselves and teenagers and young adults that are striving to follow God and being a living example? No one is perfect and we’ve all heard the joke that says, “If you ever do find the perfect church, don’t join it. It wouldn’t be perfect anymore.” That is so true. Churches are just made up of sinners, but they are sinners saved by the grace of God to do good works and fulfill the work of God in their lives. Churches today, ours included, need to stop, take a look back about 2000 years or even 200 and remember their first love. Let’s don’t lose sight of the one that we need to keep our eyes fixed on, Christ, who is…….the head of the church.